


under these watchful stars

by mmescarlette



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Contains Complaints Oft-heard While Wandering a College Campus, F/M, Gen, Gratuitous Discussion of Math, This is me, and a Terrible Sense of Humor, rom-com-ish college comedy that no one asked for you say?, this isn't meant to turn angst-y but i mean, well what am i here for but to deliver!!!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-06-07 02:22:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15208730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmescarlette/pseuds/mmescarlette
Summary: A proper college Reylo romcom that no one asked for but I'm giving to you anyway because I want to write something sweet and happy.Featuring: A snarky grad student Ben, a often-broken-down Millennium Falcon, copious amounts of vending machine coffee, depictions of sleeplessness inflicted by deadlines, and a very, very, very tired Rey.





	1. pretty boy

_Rey. Is. Tired._  


  


Granted, she IS a pre-med student, and the thought of that in itself is good enough reason to be tired. And on top of that, for some reason she’d decided it _would_ be humanly possible for her to take 20 credit hours and work a receptionist job at the car lot every afternoon, but she didn’t anticipate how much she would really hate and abhor this semester. She’s got twenty bucks to her name, 3 textbooks to highlight, and a lab report to cry over for her chem class, and it’s already 8 o’clock. Needless to say, she’s all booked out for a date between her and her favorite desk at the library.

  


(Not that she has anything else to do. Well, she could be working on her car, but Rey is wont to roll under that car and not come out for 3 hours. So, the library is a safer place to hyperfixate for that amount of time, she decides, at least until the busses stop running.)

  


She looks at her falling apart backpack, and makes the terrible but necessary decision to leave it in the car. On one hand, she could carry it and just hold onto the now torn bottom to keep it from falling out. On the other hand, she could just carry everything she needs, and it looks less stupid, she decides. 

  


And then, Rey IMMEDIATELY regrets that decision in under three minutes when she has to open every door with her foot, which does little to convince the librarians of Rey’s quietness reputation. (Why are there 17 different doors in this library?! The books don’t need THAT much protection, surely. They already have a student slumbering peacefully on each necessary book, that’s security of the highest order. More security than DOORS, anyway.)

  


Rey hauls 300 pounds of sheer _education_ up the last set of stairs, panting like a dog in midsummer, and kicks the last door. _Take that, door! Think about what you’ve done._ Deciding that her chin will stop her pencil case from certain death, she makes good use of her double chins on the way over to her final destination, her favorite desk (where the sunlight stays out of her eyes JUST right) and she can finally slam her books down with a satisfying THUD! when-

  


The Boy is sitting there.

  


Rey stops, stock still, and takes in the situation.

  


Now, The Boy is particularly of note in Rey’ s mind, because Rey knows The Boy- not by name, but still. The Boy is also a frequent all-nighter of the library, and The Boy also usually sits in the desk right in front of Rey, never behind or really, anywhere else.

  


Rey particularly knows him because, well. He’s pretty. That’s the worst part about The Boy- Rey just wants a happy, incognito time in the library to let her lion’s head of hair down from her ever-present array of buns and subside purely on the joy of her seventeen colored highlighters, and that is fairly impossible to enjoy when a pretty and TALL boy with perfect hair sits 5 feet in front of you. _How dare he be pretty AND tall at the same time. Some people just get all the good genes in the world._ Rey almost has a personal vendetta against him purely for his prettiness at this point. 

  


And not just that, but The Boy is _rude_. Rude in only the way that pretty people can be- rude in a way where he gets away with anything he wants, scot free. She knows this because she once heard him get off of a 200$ fine for a late book from 2 years ago because he sweet talked the librarian into taking him to the next football game. Rey scoffed. As if that was a reward in and of itself! He might as well have said, “I’ve done wrong but first, please pamper my ego and tell me I’m pretty” and it would’ve worked better.

  


But still, Rey trembles a little while she hovers over the desk. She can have words with people- she can!- but she’s a little afraid of arguing with a pretty one. What if he sweet talks her, too? Rey doesn’t know if she has enough real presence to ignore him, much less talk back properly.

  


The Boy stretches, all 7 pretty feet of him, and runs his hands through his good, good hair. Rey finally drops her pencil case- and he looks up. Rey expected the usual blank nod that you give fellow people wandering about blankly in the library, the kind that says “I see that you’re there but I REALLY need to sit here for the next twenty hours to somehow take this textbook and stick it directly into my head,” but lo and behold when The Boy SMIRKS. Actually full on smirks, with distracting eyebrows raised and everything. 

  


Rey is about to turn tail and flee, when he says, “Did I steal your seat? Oh _dear_ , I’m so sorry.” and immediately tucks his long legs under the chair and leans back to look at her, still smirking. Rey blinks, and waits a few long seconds before she sees he’s not moving, and she realizes- _oh, he thinks you’re just going to go away._

  


Well, we’ll just have to see about that. 

  


Rey slams down her textbooks- and her wallet, and keys, and phone, and pencil case- and she sticks her hands on her hips and she looks The Boy square in the eye and she steels herself to be cold and demanding. “I _understand_ that you have arrived here _first_ , but given the _amount_ of times I’ve gotten here _before_ you and never sat at your desk, I would _think_ you would give me the respect of giving me _my_ desk back.” His smile fell for just a second, and then he grinned. “And why, exactly, would I do that? Surely this desk belongs to me just as much as anyone else.” 

  


Oh, he wanted to DO this, right here, right now. 

  


Rey crossed her arms. “ _Because_ , you petty mouthbreather, I’ve got nine chapters to read and highlight, and I _NEED_ that particular desk to do it, except right now I’m being stopped by some dumbass boy who thinks he needs to enact some squatters rights when he’s _clearly_ ignoring the unspoken dibs rules of campus etiquette, and if I were to ask anyone else in this building they’d tell you you’re just being _rude_ , plain and simple.” 

  


Rey pressed her fingers to her lips. Where on earth had that come from? Maybe she was more tired than she thought if her politeness filter was THAT gone. The Boy’s smile got even wider, if that was possible, and he held up his hands in defeat. “Well, if you put it that way, Red.” 

  


Rey frowned as he stuck his laptop into his bag and vacated his seat, all while ruffling his hair even further. Was “Red” meant to be her? If he had given her a nickname, that meant he had noticed her, too. And that meant- that meant he had KNOWN this was her favorite desk. 

  


Rey turned to The Boy to remonstrate him once more (hey, she’d already been on a roll, why stop it now), but then he BOWED, hand pressed to his chest and all, and Rey could only open and snap her mouth shut again like a trying-vainly-to-speak fish. He disappeared off into the impressive law book shelves before she could so much as choke out a “you KNOW that’s my seat and STILL you sat there!”

  


She looks after him, and then shrugs her shoulders. Well, time to get to work, notwithstanding all of the confusingly pretty boys in the world. 

  


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

  
It’s probably well past 1 in the morning when Rey finally looks up at the clock and sighs. Not that she doesn’t usually do that while studying (it’s an essential part of the routine for at least the first hour or so), but more so because the time finally sets in. She needs to be up at 7:30, and she needs to get back to her room to plop her face right into her pillow and pretend the world doesn’t exist for a good six hours. So, stack the textbooks, stick her pencil case under chin and her phone in her back pocket, and down the stairs she goes again!

  


Rey curses at the world and stairs and five foot drops down staircases in particular. She spends the better part of twenty minutes getting back to her car, and once she gets there, she swears at car engines in general and the Falcon in particular. It might have risen from half a dozen accidents from its last owner like a proverbial phoenix, despite its name, but on this particular night, it was _not_ feeling up to being awake at 1am, no matter what its current owner pleaded. 

  


Rey sank in her driver’s seat lower and lower with each unsuccessful ignition, and she was probably halfway to the floor by the time she decided, _well, we’ll just have to work on that in the morning!_

  


She looked at her still dysfunctional, if very beloved patched-and-buttoned backpack, and decides against it. She will just carry what she needs to the bus stop, and somehow get home from there. Even though it’s well past 2am by this point, the busses don’t stop till 3 in the morning on Fridays at least, one of the nicer facts about the college that drew her before she ended up using her car anyway. It’s a good safety blanket for moments like this, though. 

  


She walks briskly enough for 2am through the streetlight heavy lanes, breathing in the scent of one of the first true autumn nights of the year, catches one of the last busses to her dorm, and cracks open her chemistry book to run the formulas through her head once more before she turns off her brain for the day. She’s too tired to even notice any of the other similarly bleary-eyed passengers on the bus, until she notices someone with unusually long legs is seated opposite her. 

  


She snaps her head up, and finds The Boy smiling back at her, weirdly awake for this time of the night. She tries in vain to remember what she wanted to say to him, but her tired head, already used up by focusing on formulas, she can’t- quite- recall. 

  


“So, are you trying out for med school, or are you just crazy?” Rey blinks, unsure what he’s saying at first. He nods to her three textbooks, necessary for her study group tomorrow, and says, “No one takes three sciences at once unless they really, really love the craft.” 

  


Rey looks down- chemistry, microbiology, and physics, and shrugs. “I’m trying out for med school, yeah, but I might switch and do a PhD in physics instead. I tend to be better at numbers than people, really.” He smiles, but Rey can see now that he’s softer around the edges at 2am. His smile is usually too blinding to look right into- right now he’s a little more accessible, more like a human she can talk to than a faraway gorgeous angel. 

  


“I loved physics, too. I think I just loved math in general, though. There’s something so- so-“ “So _right_ about it?” She smiles back at him, and she feels even better with the warmth that spreads across his face. His hands are fiddling with a single ring he wears- a plain golden band, worn down- and he clearly loves the subject of the conversation. “My mother used to ask me to explain what I loved so much about it- she was a history professor, herself- and I would tell her that I just, I loved how there was only one way to be right, as opposed to her field, where the truth could be subjective due to the view. I loved that math always boiled down to basically the same answer, the same target we’re all headed towards. There was always something so appealing to me in that.” 

  


Rey nodded, and turned her head sideways. “I always found the fact that there’s so many ways to work out math- different pathways, different ways of thinking about it, that pulled me in. I used to marvel at how I can work out a problem, and then turn to the person that is sitting next to me, and they did something COMPLETELY different, but got to the same answer. It can be adapted to anybody’s brain- I love that. I especially love it when you’re appealing to the math gods of the universe when you’ve hit a wall you can’t get around, and then five minutes later something absurdly simple occurs to you.” 

  


He laughs at that, and Rey feels absurdly proud for a minute. Since she’s on a roll, she feels brave enough to ask, “How about you? What are you doing that requires a desk in the library every Friday night when most people should have a life?” He taps his thumb across his lower lip now, and Rey tries to not get distracted by it. (She succeeds. Mostly.) “I’m an accursed grad student, Red. Chemistry, if you must know, since I love torturing myself with a long, long death.” He says _death_ with such emphasis, Rey almost shudders. He nods to her clasped book. “I see they still haven’t changed that book since I came through.” His hands are just busy, Rey decides, as he runs them through his hair again and settles on folding and unfolding them. 

  


Rey sticks her thumb in the book to keep her place, and snaps the cover shut. “My professor complains about it all the time, but he says he can’t change from it- that it has proven itself and has to stay for at least the next four years until he runs out of things to complain about in it.” She smiles at the memory, and he asks, “Is it Kenobi? I can’t believe that man’s still running around, at his age.” Rey nods, and tries to start gathering her things- her stop was coming up. “Yep, he insists that he’ll be there forever, and that if we all flunk, we’ll just have to take it over again with him, so we might as well get used to him.” She giggles a little at the memory, and The Boy chuckles a little over at his end. Rey looks at him smilingly, allowing herself just a moment of eye contact, and lets the dark-eyed beauty of the night and this conversation swim in her chest for a second. 

  


Rey knows she could probably live in this moment for the rest of her life, and she’d be perfectly happy. 

  


The bus slows down- the last stoplight. Rey stands straight up, and tries to place her textbooks in a stack in her arms in the most graceful manner she can muster, but it isn’t ultimately successful. Finally, she looks over at The Boy, and smiles again. “My name’s Rey, you know, so you can stop calling me by a nickname that has no connection to my actual person.” He grins, and Rey can see dimples. She snaps her gaze away, up to her morose reflection in the darkened bus windows. “Oh, Red, I’m not about to give up on the nickname. You still haven’t tried guessing what it is!” 

  


She lowers her lids to glare at him again, and his smile warms up again, for some reason. He inclines his head towards her. “My name’s Ben. Don’t go forgetting it now, no matter how late it is.” She scoffs, and snaps back, “Hardly. I once memorized the entire Declaration of Independence at 4 in the morning, and I still was able to say it word for word at the school assembly five days later. I have a _great_ memory, obviously.” 

  


He laughed again, and Rey almost skipped away, if he wouldn’t have noticed it. She felt- so full of joy. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation, but his laugh had seemed to trigger some bubbly, enthusiastic, well-hidden version of Rey, and she grinned into the awaiting comforting darkness. 

  


The bus pulled away- she stopped for a second outside of her dorm, and gazed up deep, deep into the sky. The stars twinkled down at her, friendly as they ever had been, and she smiled. Did they know how weirdly beautiful any old night could be? _Of course they did, they were stars._ And in a way, so was she. 

  


But this star needs to SLEEP!


	2. clever boy

 

Well, the Falcon wasn’t completely dead. Not yet, at least, but just _enough_ dead that she would be out of commission for a week.

 

“Yeah, her alternator belt is out,” said Rose, who was currently trying to wipe down her manicure from the black slick car grease. Rey motioned her over, and tried helping her clear off one particularly sticky glued on diamond, while asking, “What does that mean for me?”

 

Rose shrugged, and continued carefully cleaning her nails. Rose in general is fairly meticulous- it’s why Rey liked her so quickly. “For you, not much. It just means you probably shouldn’t drive it for the next week, which IS weird, because usually we have plenty of alternator belts on hand, but-“ (fondly patting the least-dinged panel of the Falcon) “-this particular car is notorious for having parts that are rarer, because usually they’re longer lasting.”

 

“Usually, huh? How old was this one’s?” Rose chuckled. “Around…..twelve years old? Fifteen? We honestly weren’t sure- I had to pass it around the whole shop so everyone could see. And laugh. It was pretty ragged, honestly.” Rey put her hands over her face, but she was laughing, too. She knew how old most of the parts of the Falcon were- the previous owner had been a stickler for making sure he never had to replace anything.

 

“So, I guess I’ll just have to walk around for the next week, then.” Rose grinned at her apologetically. “Sorry. I can see if Finn can give you a ride to work, at least.” “No need, I already straightened it out with my boss in case of this exact situation. Don’t worry, dear.” for Rose was already busy pulling at her bangs with worry creasing her brow.

 

Rose shrugged. “Well, if you’re sure. Hey, I do need to get to calc soon, need me to drive you there? That is, unless you prefer the bus.” Rey laughed again. “What, don’t you just love riding around in a bus with a bunch of people with bags under their eyes, who desperately look at anything but each other? Yeah, that’d be great, thanks.”

 

They were old friends- Rose was Finn’s girlfriend, starting from the seventh grade onwards, depending who you asked, and Finn was Rey’s best friend since second grade, depending who you listened to first. In Rey’s head, Rose and Finn had been practically dating since third grade, when she’d asked them separately who they wanted to marry someday the conversations went roughly like this:

 

Eight-year-old-Rose: “Someone tall and strong like Finn who can lift me to reach the top of the fridge!” (Rose felt small even when everyone only had two inches on her- but she figured out how to make an impact, nevertheless. Rey would sucker punch anyone who disagreed, anyway.)

 

Almost-nine-year-old-Finn: “Rose, so she can teach me how to fix things. No one knows how to take things apart and put them back together quite like her.” Rey, knowingly-even-at-nine-years-old: “Can I record that? Just….in case?”

 

Regardless, they’d always come as a package. Add on Rose’s family friend Poe, and they had been a set in the vast, vast high school they’d attended, boasting almost two hundred per class. All of them knew what it was like to swim through a sea of faces and voices, trying desperately to get yours, yours, yours heard- so instead, they’d locked arms and made themselves known as a unit.

 

It was safe, fun, comfortable, to be known as part of a group, to be accepted one as another; but sometimes, Rey itched to make herself known, understood as herself, not as part of her friends.

 

Some jealous, selfish part of her knew that was the reason why she’d always pursued medicine, when she knew none of them would want to- Rose too busy with mechanics, Poe with law and eventually, politics (don’t worry, they made the “Poe-litician” joke enough times to ensure it ended up on his eventual slogan), and Finn following wherever Rose went and making sure she wasn’t coming down with a cold.

 

He was probably still lobbing her with cough drops whenever he saw Rose again- she’d been sniffling for the past few weeks, and the boy hated to see her undergo any sort of pain. He’d probably knock down her door if she so much as coughed and drown her in tissues and soups and hot water bottles. He’d been that way his whole life- really, he probably should’ve been the doctor, instead of Rey, but he’d been pursuing teaching, instead. And here she was-

 

Rey blinked, and then shook her head. Somehow, Rey had inner monologued her way through three-quarters of her lecture- but her notes were still there, at least. She’d just have to read through this chapter again later.

 

Rey rolled her eyes internally at herself. This was just like her! It was routine for Rey to end up following a train of thought like a rabbit running off into the bushes, and then come to an hour later, blinking and holding her empty dinner plate, having no recollection of ordering, cooking, enjoying or consuming it, or any variation thereof.

 

Of course, when she was younger it had been even worse- but of course, she’d had a lot less to care about in that time. She remembers probably around ten percent of her earliest childhood, and most of it was centered on objects- a toy plane someone had given her for her birthday, dented and old, but it had filled her with joy anyway- or a steering wheel cover, almost as good as a steering wheel to a tiny Rey- and like a child, she could only recall that which made her happy- and she could only remember a little.

 

But upon getting to the Kanata household as a precocious eight-year-old with grubby hands and three braids (yes, _three_ , not two; she had been very particular about it) had been delighted to find- a busy, but loving and attentive Maz, the famed foster mother of the neighborhood who, even in her later years, could wrestle with the best of them; Finn- another foster kid in her neighborhood, happily adopted as well; Rose, smaller than Rey and smarter than Rey and the biggest fan of Rey after they met ONCE; and Rey, Rey had been entirely happy, for the first time in her little life.

 

Rey had loved attaching all the meaning of her life to people, rather than objects. It had been the perfect way for her to spend her emotion. She was a person built to look and to love- she knew it in her bones. She had never been made to be alone.

 

And….. _damn_ , she’d really spent the entire day chasing memories of her childhood. Rey blinked as she found herself sitting on the bus, on the way to the library, just as usual. She peeked inside her bag- good, at least in her monologuing state she’d still remembered to bring the right books. Sometimes Rey liked to go the library just to read for fun, but today she just didn’t have time- she needed to study.

 

Of course, the world seemed set against letting her just focus for even TWO SECONDS TODAY. Rey hauled her books up the stairs, cursing as usual to make herself feel better- rounded the corner, happily breathing deep of the musty old book scent- and found The Boy, looking perfectly content with the whole world, sitting in her seat with his legs criss-crossed (on the furniture! Rey could gasp aloud in horror) and flipping through some ancient red tome with carefully laminated pages with equally careful gloved hands.

 

SOME PEOPLE JUST COULDN’T TAKE A HINT, COULD THEY.

 

She puffed herself up, like a bird in the wild about to throw down or meet the love of their life- sometimes at the same time- and then _immediately_ turned bright red thinking along those lines. _Alright, alright, just confront The Attractive Boy, it’s much easier than avoiding….feelings._

She slammed her books onto the already groaning desk and then winced, feeling a strange sense of déjà vu. He looked up, graceful and easy as always, and actually _smiled_.

 

He winked, and stuck an entire smaller book in the heavier tome (as a bookmark, Rey guessed, and nothing better was on hand) and whispered, “You’d better get your seat back, then. I wouldn’t want your pretty little head upset at me, not in the middle of such a nice day!”

 

Rey cocked her head at him as he picked up his belongings and untangled his legs from the desk, and forcefully whispered back, “You- how are you like this in the daytime, and then at night you’re making me laugh at things? I don’t get you AT ALL.”

 

His smile somehow spread all over his face again- Rey could catch a glimpse of those delightful dimples popping out again, making him altogether too close, and friendly- and as he sat in his usual desk, he slowly started tapping his lower lip once more- that seemed to be his “interested” gesture. “Maybe I’m a cursed prince who has a prickly monster’s disguise in the daytime and after nightfall, I become someone softer, Red. Who knows?” She scoffed back. “Yes, and I’m some peasant girl come along to marry you and make it all better. Sure, that’s the plotline here- except I’m really a witch who lives in the woods. Look, my hair today proves it.”

 

He glanced at her pointing out her current vigorously frizzy waves, and silently laughed, more with his shoulders and eyes than anything else. “If YOU’RE the witch, Red, then I’m no better than any dragon or demon. But then again, every good story needs a monster to hate, so perhaps it’s for the best.”

 

Rey shook her head, looking down at her notebook, but she could feel him looking at her, so she whispered back, just as forcefully, “Or to love, you know. Not all monsters can or should be hated. Sometimes the way to defeat them most thoroughly is just- to love them. Be they inner demons or otherwise- sometimes, a monster just needs love to become light.” She glanced up then, suddenly shy but wanting to gauge his response. She shivered all of a sudden, looking at him.

 

Ben had closed his eyes- he was clearly mulling over what she had said. He was tapping his lip still- and at the same time, some of his hair, too long and yet weirdly fitting for his strange, long face, and he had a smile over his face that- that could make her heart beat out of her chest at the moment, right there. The sun was falling over his head, turning his hair into a honey brown- she was looking at him too long- but she couldn’t look away.

 

There was a strange tension in the air- not of waiting, but of pausing, reveling in a moment. She knew, somehow, that he was relishing in this conversation, just as much as she was. His smile said as much

_Oh, this is entirely too dangerous for me._

 

His eyes snapped open, and she finally was able to tear her eyes away. She could hear his low chuckle- and the tension was not relieved, but weirdly became easier to live in.

 

Ben said, with a laugh in his voice, “Oh, Red. I think you’re right- sometimes, monsters are the most scared, and scared things need love more than anyone. I wish that was a more held conception, honestly.” “I mean, it’s not THAT uncommon. There’s a few movies- oh, and I was reading this retelling the other day- and that author seemed of the same mind!”

 

He gave her a strange look, and his smile seemed- secretive, as well as victorious for some reason. “Very well. I’m so glad to hear that.”

 

Rey fished out her favorite set of highlighters, feeling like she’d just come out on top of a hard-won argument, and The Boy clearly took it as a sign to resume tearing through that ancient tome- perhaps he’d find hard-won secrets there, too. She smiled at him, at once filled with that light from two nights ago once again- and he was looking at her.

 

She faltered for a moment, but he smiled back- a smile that was just for her. She could bottle it up and keep it for herself forever, that smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is important information to only me, but when I wrote Rey's inner monologuing- I was thinking of this John Mulaney set ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIVZpzvduZ4 ) and you all have to know this very vital detail.


	3. lovely boy

“Rey, you know you’re my favorite girl in the world, right?”

 

Rey sighed heavily, as did Rose. “Okay, first off, NO SENTENCE coming from you ever begins well like that. Secondly, rude! Clearly Rose is your favorite girl.” said Rey, nodding over to Rose in response. Finn rolled his eyes, at the same moment that Rose rolled hers. "I'm allowed to have multiple favorites at once, aren't I?" protested Finn, but Rose only poked his shoulder. "Mhmm, but I'm your absolute favorite. At least I'm Rey's." Rose put her head on Rey's shoulder just as Poe, who was sliding in with their drinks, threw his head back to laugh in hearty Poe fashion. “You know, two months away from you guys, and I forget that you all are freaking MIMICS. Look, Rey and Finn even accidentally wore the same outfit again.”

 

Rey and Finn quickly scanned one another's outfits for that night, and point at each other in fake horror. “STOP WEARING BLUE SHIRTS! YOU KNOW THAT’S MY THING, YA DUMBO!” “WELL, STOP WEARING BLACK CHINOS! YOU KNOW THAT’S MY THING, IDIOTA!”

 

Rose waved her hands to make them stop. “And if you would stop wearing Poe’s jacket while we’re at it, we’d be fine. And return it! It was expensive!” Poe meanwhile unhelpfully shrugged his shoulders, ruffling his hair. “Eh, it’s more his than mine by now. Besides, it fits his skintone better than mine. I have to wear bright greens all the time. It was in my fortune cookie at lunch today.”

 

Rose gave Poe a stern look. “Why are you still eating at that buffet, buddy? I know I’m technically connected to it, but you need to eat healthier than these heathens do- you have to keep your strength up, while they're still college students.”

 

(The heathens, at the same time: "HEY! We eat terribly and we're proud of it." Rey, puffed up with pride: "I ate cereal for dinner yesterday. Nutritious!" Finn, not about to be bested: "I had chips and salsa for breakfast this morning, beat THAT.")

 

Poe blushed- ruffled his hair again- and was conspicuously silent. All a combination dangerous when you’re sitting, surrounded by your best friends on earth. The Terrible Three leaned in, and their poor suffering Poe drank deeply from his draught to avoid looking too closely at any of them. Rey and Rose looked at one another- Finn waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Rose of my heart, does your sister by chance still work Tuesday afternoon shifts at that Chinese place by the courthouse?”

 

Rose nodded, her bangs flying all over the place with her excitement. (Rey loved Rose’s hair. It made her look like Rose’s hair experienced life in the same amounts of excitement that Rose herself did.) “Why, yes she does, my darling. I think she even works Wednesday’s now- weird! Today’s a Wednesday! Why, would you look at that, Rey? Weird coincidence.” Rey inclined her head. “I know, right? Hey, Poe, how’s the courthouse’s repairs going? You still being forced to eat offsite? Oh- huh- you had Chinese earlier, right? These coincidences keep piling up.”

 

Poe sputtered, and finally put his hands over his face. His shameless friends crowed with laughter, but all put their arms around him.

 

He groaned, and admitted, “Yes, whatever. I still have that crush! Are you happy now?!” Rose tightened her grip around him, and said plaintively, “And I keep telling you, you have a chance with anyone, idiot. You’re a law student, you have a pilot’s license, and you have THESE freaking curls- anyone would be an idiot NOT to be at least a liiiiiiittle attracted to you, dumbo, even Paige.” Rey rolled her eyes. “You WERE my first crush for a reason, idiot. I was ten and regretted it almost immediately, but everyone gets a crush. You’re the Crush Magnet.”

 

A brown eye peeked out from between Poe’s fingers, and Rey felt relief at hearing the usual ease and comfort back in his voice. “Yeah, and that lasts for like ten days. But, oh, what a ten days they are, right?”

 

Finn shook his head. “No way, buddy. You’ve got at least a six month effect- that’s even in middle school statistics, which really showcases your longevity, might I add- six months in seventh-grade-affections are like three times that in normal time. You were a catch, and you’re even catch-ier to this day. You’re like an indie love song- you just get better the older you get, and the more weddings you attend.”

 

That got Poe to laugh, finally. “Ah, of course. I’m sure Paige is just swooning because I help my mom put together her wedding flowers sometimes, right?” Rose rolled her eyes, for what seemed like the umpteenth time that night. Being the unspoken mother was hard work! “Dude, you really don’t get it! The flowers thing is like, icing on top of the cake. You’re smart, tall, AND you could probably use the language of flowers? How are you NOT married yet?”

 

Poe looked at his hands, strangely silent. He whispered, in a tone hard to catch in the crowded bar, “Because I’m waiting for the right time.”

 

His friends looked at one another, worried at that quietly heart-broken voice.

 

Finally Finn said, slowly but certainly, “Then you need to be willing to make it be the right time.” Poe smiled, and they sighed in relief once more. He was a rollercoaster of emotions, that boy- but that was why they loved him.

 

Rey smacked Finn on the shoulder, almost immediately- and also, to take away attention from that whole anxious tension they’d built up. “Yo, other stupid boy, what on earth were you asking for earlier?”

 

Finn, who was in the middle of drinking, frowned at her, then remembered, then sputtered trying to talk. His girlfriend watched calmly, prepared to make fun of him in a second and love him as just as much as she’d loved him her whole life long.

 

“Agh, I just wanted to ask- if you could potentially chaperone me to the library tonight.” Rey’s eyebrows shot up. “Tonight? Fiiiiiiinn, it’s my night off! My one night a week, free of libraries and desks and small printed textbooks that hurt my eyes.” She sighed. “What do you need me for?”

 

Finn clapped his hands together, pleading in the plaintive way only Finn could. “I just need you to be there from ten to midnight, and basically make sure I leave. Pleaaaase? You know that I get sucked into the medieval books, and I need to draft my essay- safely.” Rey rolled her eyes, and took a drink to terminate the conversation- which Finn, her oldest friend (and therefore, drinking buddy) knew was her conceding. He hugged her, and bought her favorite dessert to share- so Rey felt the night wasn’t a waste, COMPLETELY.

 

She started changing her mind once arriving at the library, however. Finn wandered off to the section he needed, and told her “I will call you at eleven to let you know I’m focused- see, there’s an alarm on my phone! So do whatever you like.” So Rey, bereft of her usual entourage of books, didn’t quite know what to do with herself.

 

Rey began to make her way over to her usual spot, more out of habit than anything else, and smiled, feeling like the building felt strangely smaller, now that she was here on leisure, not necessity. She held out her arms to brush against the book spines, giggling to herself over the dust and old secrets in that particular smell- and then stopped.

 

The Boy was there- it had been almost a week and a half since their last exchange, and he’d disappeared. Rey had wondered if she’d offended him somehow, after the glow of that last conversation had ended- and she’d decided sometime between the fourth and the fifth day that he was never coming back, and she’d never see him again, and she’d have to be okay with losing him and all his prettiness and ability to kill her focus, entirely.

 

But here he was, plopped in one of those giant armchairs no one could stay awake in, and not only was he awake, but he was wearing GLASSES- Rey found that she had somehow unconsciously placed her hand over her heart, and quickly dropped it before he could notice.

 

Long, thin, wire-framed glasses, round and quaint and perfectly made for his face. She felt the urge, not for the first time, to kiss him, and then squashed that feeling down into some dark corner of her brain.

 

But, Rey was also tipsy enough and tired enough and missing Ben enough to think: _I don’t want to miss him like I did last week._

 

Quickly followed by another thought: _There’s really only one way to not miss him like this, you know._

 

Chased out by the next thought: _That way is for brave girls. And dumb ones. For girls who live their lives. And who are you to ask HIM out?_

 

She drew herself up; maybe it was their combined pep talk for Poe earlier, or the alcohol, or her slowly dawning crush, but there was weird euphoria in this talk, admitting her feelings so plainly, even if only to herself.

 

_I’m Rey. I want what I love and I love what I want and everything I need never looks like I think it will but it’s exactly right, all the same. If it burns down-_

 

_I’ll go on. That’s half the battle._

 

Rey nodded- she marched over to Ben, all brass and confidence. He looked up- pushed his glasses up in a strange, endearing motion, and grinned. She remembered all too late that her hair had been put up in what Rose called _space buns_ and what the boys called _Yorkie hair_ \- but she felt proud, all the same, because his grin was all affection.

 

“Morning, Red. Or is it still evening? I never can keep track.”

 

Rey looked down at him, forgot to breath, and talked all at the same time. It wasn’t a good combination. “Wannagetcoffeewith-“ _*GASP*_ “-me?”

 

His glasses slipped down, and he pushed them up again. Rey’s heart beat once more, but only the once.

 

“Sorry- coffee, is that what you said? Red, I think you need a bit more space between your words. You sure you need more caffeine?”

 

Rey shrugged, oddly at ease with herself again, now that the worst part was over. “Oh, I can handle caffeine like a veteran, bud. But, don't worry, I understand if you don’t want to drink against someone like me, of course.”

 

She flashed him a grin to let him know he was joking, but he was looking down. Rey felt her heart sink- till she saw him stuffing different highlighters into his jacket. “Right, Red, and you don’t want weak competition, right? You'd better show me how it's done, after all." He smiled up at her, and his hair was in his eyes.

 

It was TERRIBLE. She could almost hear a Taylor Swift song in the back of her head.

 

They sauntered on down to the library cafe, whose busiest hours were before 12PM presentations, and at 3AM before term papers were due. Naturally, Rey ordered a cappucino, and watched as the Tall, Imposing Boy bought the sweetest, frothiest, most whipped-cream-laden stack of coffee she'd ever seen in her life.

 

By the time they were sitting down in one of those too-tall tables with their drinks in hand, Rey was full out giggling, and as soon as Ben took a sip, he was giggling too. Obviously, Rey thought that was the perfect time to bring up families. You know, the most optimistic aspect of Rey's life!

 

"Does your mom like her coffee like that? Not that, you know, boys can't have sweet tooths as well. Sweet tooths? Is that even a phrase?"

 

He chuckled, and Rey relished in the sweetness of how he looked, spectacles and all, complete with whipped cream on his face. He hadn't shaved for a few days, obviously, but somehow he still had the effect of a nine-year-old child ordering coffee for the first time.

 

"She does, actually. Well, to be fair, she has to switch between black coffee and pretty-much-only-comprised-of-sugar creations every six months, because she's the type to get bored of both. My dad always used to tease her that she had to get all her sugar intake at once, and then had to have space to process it."

 

Rey grinned. "I would agree with her, but then, I don't have as much of a sweeth tooth. More of a savory foods person, myself." He nodded. "Hm, somehow I can see that. Red, do you by any chance also like spicy food?"

 

She nodded exuberantly- and he nodded much more solemnly than her answer probably deserved. "My dad would be with you on that. To be honest, he's entirely uninterested in food unless it has some type of gimmick- to quote him, he'd say: _Is it even food if you don't want to spit it out the minute you bite into it?_ "

 

The last part was uttered in a terrible gruff-sounding impression of an older man, and Rey could only throw her head back and laugh until she started tearing up.

 

His face was completely worth it- Rey didn't know if she'd ever seen someone look so proud since Finn bested Poe in an argument about directions (Poe was a self-professed navigational expert, and hated anyone knowing where anything was better than him. Finn adored looking up directions beforehand just to mess with Poe. It was a great combination.)

 

"Do- do your parents live around here?" she asked, wiping a tear away. Ben sipped from his coffee, and smiled in obvious relish. "My mom lives in the next town over- but she actually teaches in the history department, when her duties allow her. Usually, my mother advises for the museum in her hometown, so she travels quite a bit." "She certainly sounds busy! I'm sure she must love what she does if she goes to that much effort, though."

 

The boy nodded, and poked his glasses back up. "Yes, I believe she does. She's been pretty stressed and harried for most of her life- but there's something about history that's always lifted her above it all. My dad would say it brings the light to her life- which is the best way of putting it, I think." Rey nodded, equally solemn now. "And your dad? What does he do?"

 

Ben paused- but when Rey looked up, he was only smiling into his drink.

 

"He- well, he’s a flight instructor now, but he used to be one of the pilots in our local rescue team. He used to joke that all that kept him in that job was the rush of rescuing people who would thank anyone who was at the other end of throwing them a line, but he really did love the social care aspect of it. My dad will never admit it, but he loves people. He loves them at their worst, and he’s delighted when they get to their best, even if they’re far away from him at that point. He just wants happiness, I think. Happiness for all folk, cheesy as it might be, which is exactly why he’d never say it. My mom used to say he’s an idealist- that’s why she fell for him so hard, because he was walking around talking big talk about being jaded, and hiding this huge belief in his chest, and she just wanted to learn how to believe like that.”

 

Rey ran her finger around the rim of her cup, careful to not make it squeak- but that tidbit, however easily thrown out, felt like something _real_ about the Boy- something that would usually be hidden if he wasn’t here, in the middle of the night, under the softly reddish cafe lights stupidly consuming caffeine with her.

 

 _You have to stick with his parents. He really loves them- it shows; it’ll make the flow easier._ “That’s really- that’s perfectly lovely, actually. They must be a really amazing couple, if they talk about each other like that.”

 

His smile flickered; just the half-second, but she looked for his smile too much to let it slip by unnoticed. He cleared his throat, and broke their gaze to stare at his cup again. “They- they were. They clash a lot, too- that’s why they’ve been separated for the past few years, I think.”

 

CRAP.

 

Rey gulped, then stammered, “I-I’m sorry to hear that. We can move on to something else, if you don’t want to talk about it. Trust me, I’m the queen of transitional sentences, at least among my friends.”

 

He, however, grinned reassuringly at her, not even missing a beat now. “Don’t worry, Rey. My family talks enough about our problems together, that the pain of it all bleeds out long before I ever leave the conversation. My parents might not be together anymore, but they’re still just as disgustingly in love as they ever were. I guess they draw each other out, somehow, and when they’re always together it gets overwhelming for them both. Hence, being separated- at least, that’s what they tell me.”

 

“But they still love each other?” He nodded. “Always, I think. Of course, I can’t be objective about it- they’re my parents!- but then again, who would know better than I do, their only firsthand observer? Anyway.” (He coughed again, but then looked at her, eyes clearer than ever. Maybe the caffeine was kicking in?)

 

“What about you, Red? Are your parents gifted with the sweet tooth, or do they chase the heat as well? I- I _think_ that’s where this conversation started, correct me if I’m wrong.” Rey shook her head, delighted. “Oh, no, you’re right! It’s been a while back now. Um, well. I think Maz loves any food- she says all the time that she’d fought nail and tooth for every meal growing up, and now doesn’t waste food- but I know for a fact that she loves Skittles, but picks out the orange ones.”

 

Ben made a face. “Ugh, I’m with her. I hate artificial orange flavoring- some just leave the most awful bitter taste on my tongue. I’m for black licorice, if anything.”

 

Rey laid a hand of fake surprise over her heart. “LICORICE?! Okay now, we can’t talk anymore. I don’t know you. This isn’t our coffee date anymore.” He giggled again, and Rey counted it as a blessing among the many blessings she was getting in this short, 2 hour space. “Oh, and I’m sure you’re a Twizzler heathen. Don’t even speak to me, madam. I can’t socialize with red licorice addicts.”

 

Rey stuck a tongue out at him playfully, and he responded by rolling his eyes in turn. When they were done giggling, Rey said slowly, hyper-aware of what she was about to say, “She might be my adoptive mother, but clearly Maz passed on the taste for eating whatever, just to make sure it doesn’t go to waste. We’ve been quite a pair, trying to choose what to eat together, when neither of us want to make a decision about what we like. There’s been quite a bit of “ _no, you choose!_ ” and “ _I don’t care, you choose_ ” for our dinners, in all our time together.”

 

Ben, equally slowly, asked the clear question. “Adoptive? If you don’t mind me asking, your parents are-?” Rey shrugged her shoulders, trying to be casual. “I- Yeah, I never knew them. My birth mother gave me up for adoption, and before Maz I got tossed around some...interesting...places. Some people were kind, and well-meaning; I wasn’t, always. But Maz straightened me out- I think she was the first person that got me to care about where I was going, not where I was from.”

 

Rey laughed, trying to bring some semblance of their lightness from their banter back. “I’m rich in family, really. I want not for love, certainly. Some things don’t heal, but it’s- it’s okay.”

 

She finally met his eyes again, and he wasn’t smiling, but there was a steady light in his eyes, something beyond the lightness she was trying to regain. But Ben cracked a smile at meeting her glance, and she inwardly sighed in relief. “No, you’re exactly right. I have trouble with that- with letting things not heal, but not festering, either, but you’re right. You have to grow from your wounds, really.”

 

Rey nodded. “I guess you...have to carry your pain with you, but you can’t ignore it? I think...you have to get through your trauma, and that’s what I struggle with, personally. I like to tuck it into a corner, and forget that it’s there.” Ben laughed. “Mmm, I’m the exact opposite there. If anything, I’m a drama queen- when my parents first broke up, I think everyone within 50 feet of me got to hear about it, the way I bawled. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and on my cheek, and on my forehead, and everywhere it shouldn’t be. At least your heart is calmly placed in your chest, as it should.” Rey grinned. “I will take that as a compliment, then-”

 

She was interrupted by her phone buzzing, and Ben obligingly turned his head to the lit up menu to the right of them while Rey answered. Finn’s voice, too-bright and alive for 11 at night, pierced through the call. “Rey, Rey, Rey! I finished my essay already. You can come get me now- I’m uploading my draft, and then I’m going home to sleep, no matter how tempting the medieval manuscript corner looks. Rey! My favorite friend! Come rescue me pleaaaase!!” Rey rolled her eyes, but tried to sum up as much affection as possible to cover her disappointment. “Hold on, and I’ll be right there.”

 

She hung up, and looked at Ben regretfully, who was then chugging the rest of his coffee. He smiled at her sweetly. “Do you need to go?” She nodded. “I’m sorry! I have to make sure my friend gets home safely. Thank you for drinking caffeine far too late with me, Ben.”

 

He inclined his head, and his glasses were knocked slightly off balance. “Thank you, Rey. That was a lovely coffee conversation.”

 

Rey had to resist setting those glasses herself and fled before her feelings could catch up with her.


End file.
